


Blue Jay — Two Kidnappings and One Rescue

by Darka3363



Series: Daybirds [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: And he would like to have words with the person responsible for making him famous on Naboo, Canon Rewrite, Kidnapping, M/M, Mauls were definitely hurt during making of this fic, Murder, No beta we die like younglings, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a bastard, Obi-Wan Kenobi is so Done, Obi-Wan why are you like this, Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Rescue, Rescue Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28157952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darka3363/pseuds/Darka3363
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi would like for this Zabrak to stay dead, thank you very much.Or, How did Kenobi leave the Naboo.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Quinlan Vos
Series: Daybirds [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058186
Comments: 4
Kudos: 145





	Blue Jay — Two Kidnappings and One Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> To understand this fic fully, you should read the first part of the series, [Blue Herons](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28093332).
> 
> Aka, what the hell happened to Obi-Wan when he was persumed dead on Naboo.

" _Keeenobiiiiii_..."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, just _die_ already," whines Obi-Wan, barely standing up and powering up his almost dead lightsaber for the last time.

Both the Sith and Kenobi landed at the bottom of the shaft, and it seems it is some sort of a boiling room — the huge open furnaces aren't exactly subtle.

Huh. And here he thought Naboo is more eco-friendly than that.

He wonders if Padmé knows.

The Sith hisses hatefully, but his staff was laying just far enough for him to not be able to summon it, taking into account how now the Zabrak uses up all his Force reserves to even keep himself alive.

Obi-Wan has no such difficulties.

Well, alright, he has difficulties, but Kenobi doesn't need to worry about keeping himself alive right now.

He summons the Force and binds the Zabrak to the ground, not letting him move even his _eyeballs_.

"Well, it was nice knowing you, but I'm afraid we need to end our rapport. You see, I'm already taken," Obi-Wan says, lifting up his lightsaber.

Kenobi stabs the Zabrak in one of his hearts, the wound cauterizing immediately.

The Sith screams hatefully at Obi-Wan, and then he stops moving.

Just to be absolutely sure, Obi-Wan severs the head from the body, because he's not about to trust someone to stay dead, after seeing them survive a _bisection at the waist_.

"I'm not paid enough for this shit," he says, kicking Zabrak's body.

He takes the severed head in his hands, watched it carefully and asks:

"Are you dead yet?"

The head doesn't respond, but just in case, Obi-Wan throws it to the fire. And the body too, but because everyone judges him for being a paranoid bastard, he cuts it in half _again_ and throws both halves to the opposite burning furnaces.

Kenobi is _not_ taking any chances.

Obi-Wan hides his lightsaber under the obi, and takes the staff and tries to power it on.

No such luck. It doesn't want to light up, which probably means the modulation circuits were burnt out, and as the safety mechanism, the saberstaff now doesn't turn on at all.

Who knew the Sith are big on OHS.

"Now, to the next point. How the hell do I get out of here?" He asks grumpily, suddenly feeling much more tired than just two minutes ago.

Ah, yes. The adrenaline deescalation and Force exhaustion, his actual two best friends.

How nice of them to appear, thinks Kenobi, before he passes out.

Did he mention recently how he loves his life?

Because he really, really doesn't right now.

~*~

When he wakes up, he's not in the place he fainted in.

Oh no, it would be too easy, and nothing in Kenobi's life shall be easy.

Instead, it seems he's been kidnapped. _Again_.

He looks at those funny, normal and absolutely _not Force supresing_ handcuffs as if they personally offend him.

Are those guys some sort of amateurs, or what? The least they could do, when they see one is obviously a Jedi, is to use something that at the very least restrain them better. Like thick metal gloves, they repeatedly prove to make focusing the Force harder, even if not impossible.

Kenobi immediately gets out of the cuffs, stands up and looks around his brand new 'cell'.

If it even can be called a cell, because the level of security is laughable.

It doesn't have a bed, but it _does_ have a single thin mattress, which is a serious luxury, a bucket and nothing else.

The doors of the cell are normal. No bars. It's as if someone took the door from someone's house and put it in to hide the hole that was made accidentally by someone, and then they decided 'might as well', and made a room.

Which makes Obi-Wan wonder, with whom he's dealing right here? The pirates wouldn't be so reckless, the actual kidnappers wouldn't be so unprepared.

Maybe he was grabbed by accident? He was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and the people that took him panicked, and now they left him on his own devices to break himself out, which would make Kenobi a one less problem on their head.

Hm. Maybe it _is_ that easy.

Which, of course, makes Obi-Wan even more curious, and instead of doing the sensible thing, the _expected thing_ , he goes on to explore the place he's been held in.

As Quinlan often says, they both were born morons, and that's how they land themselves in such situations.

~*~

"So let me get this straight," says the Wookiee slowly. "Instead of running away, like you should've done, you instead decided to investigate the whole house?"

"Yep."

"... _Why_?"

"Professional deviation of mine, I'm afraid. I see logical holes and inconsistencies, I investigate."

The Wookiee sighs.

"So yeah, I actually didn't find much, so it means you probably are here by accident, or you just got there, and because of that you got little to nothing in here. I _did_ find a holopicture though. Your family?"

Wookiee only growls.

"Yeah, yeah. Hmm, you're not here by accident here. I suspect you wouldn't be so defensive right now about your family if everything was alright with them, or far, _far_ away from here. Especially as you have advantages over me right now."

And the Wookiee does have a serious advantages of holding him at the gunpoint, while Obi-Wan has only a broken lightsaber on him to defend himself with, not even mentioning how the Wookiee outclasses him in both the weight and strength department. It doesn't mean Kenobi is immediately on the loosing position, but it _does_ mean the eventual fight is probably much more problematic than it is worth it.

"What do you want, Jedi?"

"Oh, just a way to go home, but I might as well help you find your family. Maybe I'm not as good as Quin in finding people, but I'm not too shabby either."

The Wookiee considers it.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi. You?"

"Chewbacca, son of Attichitcuk."

"Well met, Chewbacca."

~*~

"Uuuuuhh…"

"You never mentioned you're famous on Naboo."

"Because I'm _not_. Or I wasn't, as of what, one day? Maybe two?"

Obi-Wan is not impressed.

He looks at the holonews of Naboo, seeing in them his Master, Anakin, and of course himself.

Quinlan, that piece of shit, was of course able to sneak away from the attention, the bastard.

There isn't much talking about Obi-Wan himself, thank the Force, there's much more about Anakin and his involvement in the Invasion of Naboo, but if Kenobi had any say in it, Obi-Wan wouldn't make it to the newspaper _at all_.

He's going to complain to Quinlan about that as soon as he's able to.

"But that is not important, we better get to the rescue part of the mission."

Because as it turns out, the news also consistent of the information about the all known Federation bases on Naboo, and Obi-Wan has a very strong feeling about one of them, and because he's still recovering from Force exhaustion, that feeling is more like a punch to the head than the usual nudge.

This is why the Jedi strongly predisposed in the Unifying Force need to shield their minds constantly, otherwise they would be knocked off most of the time. Obi-Wan can't wait when he finally recovers from Force exhaustion and can finally have some actual shields, and not the paper bag he now has to be content with.

"Is it some Jedi shit that lets you know where to go?"

"Basically, yes."

"Hmm. I really should be worried about you double-crossing me, but something in my gut tells me you're trustworthy."

"That's because I have something to gain in our current situation."

And that's even true. Chewbacca promised to drop him on Coruscant after they rescued his son from the kidnappers.

If Kenobi only did it from the goodness of his heart, without any advantages for himself, the Wookiee would never trust him just enough to let him join in the escapade. And don't get Obi-Wan wrong, he would do it for free in a heartbeat, but most of the Galaxy is not rainbows and sunshine, and people like Jedi, who basically do charity work wherever they can, are a rather rare breed, and if someone decides to help some poor unfortunate soul from the goodness of their heart, it usually means they have ulterior motives.

And no one likes having a debt to someone they don't even know.

And such, when Obi-Wan has a clear motive to help Chewbacca rescue his son, that makes the Wookiee trust him more, because it means he can pay off his "debt" immediately, and proceed to never think about Obi-Wan again.

The Jedi can't blame this way of thinking, but he does sometimes selfishly want for the Galaxy to be a kinder place.

~*~

"Do you often end up pissing off someone into them shooting at you?!"

"More often than you realise, now move and get to the bottom of the complex!"

Yes, they did find the right place.

But they also found trouble in it.

And of course, because Obi-Wan can't keep his mouth shut to save his life, he has insulted the head of the factory before Chewbacca was able to shoot him down. Or shut Kenobi up.

Not that he would be able to, even if he was forewarned.

But, as it is, he had no idea what Obi-Wan was going to say, and he held the human by the general Jedi standard from a self-respecting criminalist, or a resident of an Outer Rim standpoint, which is that of a wet paper bag with a laser sword they never use, and then the Wookiee had all of his expectations thrown at him in the face, because Obi-Wan seems bend into making sure Chewbacca _never_ thinks about the Jedi like that ever again, and that their reputation in the Galaxy as warrior space monks that should be respected and feared is _well_ deserved, evidenced by how even while they're running, Kenobi still crushed those droids _somehow_ , and the way he dodges every single bullet flying their way is particularly creepy.

But this is beside the point, and Chewbacca has more important things to do than to edit his definition of the Jedi.

Like running away, for example, because droids didn't take too well to killing their boss, and now they are running away from an army of metal junk.

"Why are you like this?!"

"We were going to break out your son by force anyway, and I tend to work better under the death sentence, so move your ass a little faster, will you?!"

Chewbacca should've never agreed to align himself with this maniac. It just can't be good for his heart.

~*~

"Oh by Force, your kid is _adorable_ ," Kenobi is positively _melting_ over Chewbacca's son.

Lumpawaroo looks at Kenobi with confusion.

"You never mentioned you like kids."

"I love kids, thank you very much. Being a crechemaster was the third position as my possible work careers."

"What are the other two?" Asks Lumpawaroo, because his poor son doesn't know Kenobi yet and doesn't think he'll ever regret asking.

But to Chewbacca's surprise, Kenobi's response is rather normal:

"Being a negotiator is my second, and becoming a battlemaster is my first, but I don't have enough experience or knowledge to become battlemaster just yet, so for now I'm settling for a negotiator."

"I fear for the planets you're sent to."

"Hey, I'm _good_ at negotiating, thank you very much. And if I by accident discover a breeding _coup d'etat_ , or some other conspiracy in my free time between debates, then that's the Will of the Force."

Chewbacca just shakes his head, while Lumpawaroo looks at Obi-Wan as if he was his brand new personal hero.

"Can we keep him, dad?"

Chewbacca signs.

"No, we can't. But I did promise to give him a lift to Coruscant."

Lumpawaroo hugs Chewbacca tightly, and the Wookiee thinks he can suffer through Kenobi's presence just a little bit longer if it means his son is happy.

~*~

"So, why did you kidnap me in the first place?"

"I was searching for a new clue to my investigation, when I suddenly tripped by your body. I looked over you to see if you're possibly dead, but then for some reason, the Naboo Police Force came right in, so I panicked and grabbed you, and spirited away from there."

"Oh yeah, they might've been looking for me, or for the Zabrak I was fighting with."

"Uh, I didn't see any Zabraks there."

"That would be because I made sashimi out of him and threw into the fire."

Warrior space monks indeed.

~*~

"You know Kenobi, you're not as bad as I thought you are."

"Thank you."

"So yeah, if you want anything, hit me up."

"I thought we were square, though? You did transport me to Coruscant."

"The life of my son is worth more than a simple fuel cost for me, even if you would help me for free if the situation called for it, with you being a Jedi and all. Here's my comm frequency if you need anything."

"Wow. Thank you, Chewbacca," and Kenobi sounds so sincere that the Wookiee had to clap him on the arm.

"You're not a bad sort, Obi-Wan. Okay, Lumpa, time to say goodbye."

"Do I have to? Can't we really keep him?"

"No."

Kenobi laughs, and bends to look Lumpawaroo in the eyes.

"I have a feeling we might see each other in the future," he says, fluffing the small Wookiee's hair on his head. "Besides, the goodbyes aren't ever a finale, for we always will be connected in the Force."

"Okay, enough of your religious bullshit, little Jedi, don't corrupt my son more than you already did."

And Kenobi, because he's a bastard, laughs loudly.

"May the Force be with you both, Chewbacca, Lumpawaroo."

~*~

When Obi-Wan got back to the Temple, the shocked face of Padawan Delin was not what he was expecting.

"Oh my God, Obi-Wan, you're supposed to be dead!"

"Really? Then I'm sorry to disappoint, but I am very much alive", Kenobi deadpans. "Would you like for me to commit seppuku for my oversight?"

"Don't smart mouth me, you little shit. When I saw Vos and Jinn, I thought I'll have a heart attack, they looked _that_ badly shaken. They said you're dead."

"Why would they think I'm dead though?"

"They couldn't feel you in the Force, and they've seen you fall into the shaft with a Sith, of _course_ they thought you're dead. Oh, and you might wanna know that you're late for your own funeral, it started like ten minutes ago."

Obi-Wan just looks at Der bemused.

"And why aren't you at my funeral? You don't like me anymore?"

"Not everyone can just drop everything they're doing and go to a funeral, you know, I have a _job_ to do. I was going to leave flowers though. Sunflowers."

"I hate sunflowers."

"Which is why I was going to leave them, you ungrateful bastard."

"Why almost all of my friends are such awful people," bemoans Obi-Wan.

"Because, obviously, none of us deserve nice things. Now go to the funeral, and let your boyfriend know you're very much alive."

"Yeah, yeah, see you on Sunday."

"You better be there, Kenobi." Says the Iktochi, waiving to running Obi-Wan.

~*~

He was called a fucking idiot during his own funeral.

Which is just _rude_.

He really should wash Quinlan's mouth with soap, but unfortunately, he would then need to make good on his hypocrisy and wash his own mouth with soap too.

They stumble their way to Quinlan's room, where Vos immediately clings to him like a leech.

"Quin—"

"I thought you're dead, you bastard. You were so closed off in the Force, and I couldn't _feel you_ , just a white stasis—"

Obi-Wan feels a pang of guilt in his chest, slowly building up.

"I'm sor—"

"Don't you dare!" Screams Quinlan, almost crushing Obi-Wan's arms. "It was _not_ your fault, don't you dare say it was. Master Jinn said you were probably under mental assault, which I'm inclined to believe, and that means you had to shut us out to be able to protect yourself and us too."

Kenobi only mutely nods, and Quinlan deflates.

"Go take a shower," Kiffar says softly, "I'll leave you some fresh clothes on the sink."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

~*~

They curl up under the blanket.

Quinlan lays on Obi-Wan's chest and tangles their legs together comfortably.

Kenobi strokes Vos' dreadlocks, feeling much better after the shower, and now warm and comfortable.

"For all that's worth it, I really didn't mean for you to think I'm dead."

"Yeah, I know. If you were ever to fake your death, you would do it in such a way that anyone knowing you would work it out in ten minutes," Quinlan responds, breathing in deeply Obi-Wan's scent. "It would be so full of inconsistencies I would say you're an idiot for thinking it would ever work on me."

"Well, at least you know how I would've done that," admits Obi-Wan.

Quinlan snorts.

"You have a bleeding heart, and you're not cruel. You wouldn't make us think you're dead on purpose without anything to suggest it might be bullshit."

Vos snuggles in a little more, and finally settles.

"Just, be aware I'll be like a clingy tooka cat for the next few days. And I might sleep for the next ten to twelve hours on you today."

"What, problems with sleep?"

"I know you think being an emotional wreck is not my style, but I definitely was an emotional wreck ever since your duel, and I haven't slept well. And don't you dare apologise for it."

"Was not going to."

"It's a lie and we both know it. Now go to sleep."

"Someone's feeling bossy tonight," grumbles Obi-Wan, but he does turn the lights off, and relaxes.

It's good to be home.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are appreciated
> 
> Am I a bit salty how neither Anakin nor Ahsoka ever worked out in like, the first 30 minutes that Obi-Wan is alive? Like damn, that guy survived so many attempts on his life, including in that list Siths?
> 
> Yes I am.
> 
> There's no way a simple shot from a Bounty Hunter would kill him immediately, this guys is as hard to kill as a _cockroach_.
> 
> Edit 01/03/21: fixed some minor grammatical mistakes


End file.
